I find it strange yet familiar on how such a young lady embodies such an old soul. Her silence bewilders me as she sits in solitude. I can almost discern her thoughts but she is elusive.
Then her words speak volumes so loud, it’s powerful. I feel her written reflections that echo in my mind, and I thank God for the wonder she brings into my life.
She’s my daughter…
“I am not a look, I am a feeling. You will feel my presence before your eyes even catch a glimpse of my face. I am the warmth in your heart; the glow that leaves you breathless I fill your corners with comfort. You will grow used to the feeling of my love harboring the gaps of your soul but I can never be enough. I am the emptiness you feel the hollowness, wounds left naked as I fade away. You will feel me as I leave The light I had once warmed you with will grow cold. The physical embodiment of my soul That was once intertwined with yours? Will break away. You won’t feel me anymore. My warmth, my love, my soul the things that had once fed you have gone. Now the only place I can be found is in your insomnia as you lay awake; searching for me in your thoughts The only place I can be found is in your memories and in the bittersweet throbs of the heart I once tended to; yours.”
The world is always revolving and life continues with each passing day. I can’t imagine not living a day to the fullest, yet every so often, a negative experience threatens a positive outlook.
How do I turn a negative into positives? What does one do to overcome a defeat? I’ve procrastinated about writing and revisions. I thought this was due to the writer’s block, but it’s not. I’m sure everyone deals with a decrease in imagination, a hindrance in creativity, a loss of inspiration in his or her own way to get through it.
The procrastination is a result of my personal demons. Dealing with self-doubt is a constant demon of mine. It’s the lingering fear that my next project won’t be as good as, or better than my first piece of work. I am very aware of the fact we can’t please everyone. Yet deep in my subconscious is a pestering desire for approval.
I’m human, and it’s natural to seek acknowledgement and praise. Let’s face it: we all want a pat on the back for a job well done. Of course, the letdown of disapproval and criticisms makes it difficult to acknowledge and move on. Similar to a fall, most people get up and brush off the dirt, some cry until help arrives, others will sulk until someone kisses the boo-boo and then everything is fine.
It’s not easy to brush off a negative comment. For me, the remark hides in the recesses of my mind, only to appear at the worst possible moment to drag me down further. Like a demon taunting me, “You’re not good enough.” The laughter and ridicule echoes in my head, and grows louder with each teasing word of “fail” mentioned.
Again, I’m looking for that evasive light at the end of a dark tunnel. I’m mustering the strength to rise up after a fall. Earth is still revolving and my thoughts are swirling along with it.
I can’t please everyone. Instead, I’ll aim to satisfy my need for expression. So I decide to just write. What better way to evolve just like the world around me. I’m acknowledging my fears and discovering ways to face them. I am refocusing on the goal of writing for my family, the original inspiration for this journey as a writer (even if it’s part time).
“Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong Move along, move along like I know you do And even when your hope is gone Move along, move along just to make it through Move along Move along”
It’s probably coincidental or perhaps it’s not. Many concerts were airing on AXS TV this past weekend. The All-American Rejects’ performance was the first I viewed. I’ve always had a soft spot for musicians, but Tyson Ritter (vocals, bass, and piano) motivated me to watch the rest of the show. AAR performed without fear of “boos” from the crowd.
Tyson Ritter made me giggle with his sense of humor in between sets. Now the music is drowning out the demons inside my head. The riffs and hooks are stomping the negatives into the ground. I’m still standing as the encouraging lyrics urge me to “move along.”
So I’ll turn my frown into a smile. I’ll make a light to get me through the end of a dark tunnel. I’ll get up from a fall; who cares if my clothes are stained with dirt. I’ll take the criticism and work hard to do better each time. I may not get a few pats on the back, but maybe I’ll receive a couple of thumbs up instead.
The world is revolving, life is continuing, and I want to change my low points into turning points.
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
How do you deal with negativity? How will you keep evolving?
How do writers deal with the day-to-day routine of life and still have time to write? I often wonder about this from other self-published authors. If you ask me, I think it’s mentally and physically exhausting.
With all the duties of family, a profession, school activities, homework, social functions, and financial responsibilities, finding the time to write is difficult, especially if I am writing a series. The constant interruptions of everyday life is distracting. I can lose a thought, that descriptive word to relay an idea, or a chapter revision for structure and flow. Why is the second I sit down, the chance for someone else to ask something? Once I’m ready to do my thing, a person wants some advice about stuff that can wait until later. It never fails, and those distractions become frustrating (I was venting, but I’m done).
I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing in the past month. Yet in retrospect, I’ve done a book blast tour, worked on guest posts, and author interviews. Perhaps September was just draining because of my other obligations and guilt in neglecting Harmony, the next installment in the series. I’m remorseful and afraid that James Roberts, my protagonist in this novella, is angry at me for abandoning him.
After reading the article, I feel less tired, frustrated, regretful, and more motivated. The first thing I need to do is inhale serenity and exhale agitation. Next, I must prioritize my schedule. Family and home are at the top of the list. Everything else, I’ll fit in between. During my timeout, I can read, listen to music, or play the piano.
The point is that I should grab a moment to write. Like when I started writing. My iPad is with me almost everywhere. It’s my writer’s desk on the go thanks to Apple. I’ll daydream about storylines and themes. Allow my surroundings to influence ideas for plots and conflicts. Interact with people wherever I go because conversation offers possible dialogue, setting, action and reaction, or scenes.
Those encounters contribute to writing a paragraph or more. During my breaks, I may elaborate or revise and soon, I have a page or two. I will dedicate any opportunity to writing something. The more I write, my content gets better, and I improve as a writer.
Those little routines have motivated me to write Consonance. If I get back my inspiration, maybe James Roberts will discuss Harmony with me. There are two sides to a story, and his is just as important. He wants to show his character as the dashing bassist of Dia-Matic Keys.
“Time is a created thing. To say ‘I don’t have time,’ is like saying, ‘I don’t want to.”
― Lao Tzu
So a weekend is over. A birthday party has passed. My family finishes dinner and the evening is winding down. The dishes are clean, I did most of the laundry, some tidying up around the house, paid off a couple of bills, and hopefully the kids are going to sleep. My husband settles in too. After a shower, I have a moment’s peace to think and write.
That quiet break allows me to type up content for a chapter. I have creativity flowing. I’ll stop after an hour because I need sleep for work the next day. The office schedule doesn’t look too bad. Maybe I’ll get a full lunch, and escape to the cafeteria to read or continue writing the ideas of another storyline.
Traffic is inevitable, but I’m listening to some great music. My mind is free to imagine, as long as the other drivers around me are careful too. Finally, I make it home. Homework is waiting for my review. I make some corrections and help the kids understand the subject. Dinner is ready; thank God because I’m starving. Now it’s time to wish everyone goodnight. I didn’t have an hour to write, only half an hour. Still, it’s enough to type a scene for another chapter.
Another day begins. With some perseverance, I’ll keep the momentum going, and soon I’ll have the first draft of a manuscript, and if I’m lucky, a bestseller.
What is your writing routine? Any hobby or interest of yours, how do you find the time to fit that in between a busy schedule?
“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.” Maya Angelou
Many people have asked me this question: “So what made you want to write a book?”
I wrote the first book because of an inspiration. My daughter loves liberal arts. She is a remarkable artist and writer, but a fickle musician. She started with piano, switched to guitar for a short time, then went back to piano briefly. She currently plays the clarinet for her school band.
I write because of motivation. My son has autism and learning disabilities. Our family motivates him to try his best, and we praise his efforts and accomplishments. He is the driving force in attaining my goals.
Lastly, I created a story line because of the encouragement my hubby provides. He always pushes me to express myself with words and imagination.
So I want to write because I have stories to tell.
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